yikes

Duggar family welcomes 18th child

My vajayjay hurts just reading about it.

all I want for Christmas is NPH

I've had these soon-to-be classic holiday songs in my head since last night's episode.

the best holiday treats

Candy canes? Fruitcake? Eggnog?

Don't you remember? It's Schweddy balls!

today may be a sex-themed kind of day

1950s pinup model Bettie Page dead at 85

I apologize for the possible NSFW nature of this post but I can't seem to figure out how to hide photos with this blog. And I can't help but want to share two of my favorite Bettie Page photos...

Jay Leno = Douche, but Wanda Sykes = Awesome

Wanda thinks "there's gonna be some booty slappin' in the White House!"



Might there be a bit of a negative response regarding her comments about black people and money? Sure. Might there be a bit of a negative response regarding the belief of some that "booty slappin'" only advances the stereotype that black people are naturally hyper-sexual? Sure.

But when you're right, you're right, Wanda. Sexy, satiating, ass-slappin' sex?

Yes, we can!

my letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

Thank you for being a friend. Every year, you travel 'round the world and back again. And if you threw a holiday party and invited everyone you knew, although you usually are the giver of gifts, you would see the biggest gift would be from me. And the card attached would say: thank you for being a friend. And here is some milk and cookies. And could you please bring me this Golden Girls bag this year?



Thanks, Santa!

Question of the Day - 12/10/08

There are a lot of things we see most often in December, like caroling, potato latkes, mistletoe, mulled wine, eggnog, and returning gifts. What's your favorite holiday tradition?

My favorite holiday tradition has always been Christmas Eve.

I don't remember where the idea came from or the first time we did it but our family has always spent Christmas Eve at my parents' house. And although we're most likely changing it up this year, it's always consisted of a big, seafood dinner. My dad works for this upstate New York food service company and brings home fresh fish and crab legs and lobster and those little tiny legostinos that look like brains. My dad is in his glory when he's making a mess of his jail cell-sized kitchen so he spends the majority of the day there, while the rest of us help when he needs it. My uncle sits in the same chair with a blanket watching the news or his favorite show and the women usually wind up drinking some wine and despite the objections from my father and brother, putting on Christmas songs and cavorting around the house having a jolly ol' time.

It's usually just the Hamiltons (my "good" aunt, uncle, and two cousins) and my immediate family but one year, my mom did invite her other two sisters to spend it with us. My aunt and her alocholic husband came from Pennsylvania, my other aunt and my two cousins came, my "good" aunt and uncle and my two cousins came, and at that point, my maternal grandparents were still alive so they spent the holiday with us too. We had to borrow a table and folding chairs from one of my mom's co-workers and set it up in the foyer of the house but even with that, we used another card table and put it smack dab in the middle of the family room. It's the only time I remember the entire family being squeezed into my parents' small house and it's one of my favorite Christmas memories.

When I was younger, we went to Midnight Mass but as we Andy and I grew up and realized religion isn't really for us, we scrapped that tradition. Because Penn Yan doesn't offer midnight mass anymore, my mom has to go to Geneva (where my aunt and uncle live) so I still go with her so she doesn't have to drive alone late at night. I could take or leave that part of the tradition but part of me still can't help but associate Christmas with the smoky smell of the incense. And my cousin Ashley, aka the family entertainer, whispering and making smartass remarks that leave me spending most of the hour trying to cover up my laughter like a little girl who knows better than to misbehave in church. The choir always sings O Come, All Ye Faithful and I always cry and I always think back to one of my all-time favourite Christmas specials and how after Mr. Brady escapes from being trapped in one of his buildings, Carol and the rest of the bunch start singing it.

The night ends with my mom and I getting home close to two o'clock in the morning, wrapping ourselves up in blankets, turning on the Christmas tree, and sitting up in the semi-dark, looking at the tree and talking.

Over the years, bits and pieces of the holiday have melted away with the snow. My grandparents are no longer with us, my brother now has a family of his own with whom he spends Christmas morning, and with ever year, I find myself wanting more and more to spend the holidays here in Chicago. This is the first year I've found myself realizing just how comfortable I am with our changing tradtions and the fact there will be many more.

I guess it's because I don't ever feel like I'll forget the ones we've had so far.

sings in my best Marilyn Monroe voice...

Happy day before your birthday to you...Happy day before your birthday to you...Happy day before your birthday, Mr. Governor...happy birthday to you.

U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald said,

"The breadth of corruption laid out in these charges is staggering...they allege that Blogojevich put a 'for sale' sign on the naming of a United States Senator; involved himself personally in pay-to-play schemes with the urgency of a salesman meeting his annual sales target; and corruptly used his office in an effort to trample editorial voices of criticism."

Frickin' genius, Rod.

as John Keats once said...

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.


Like a Christmas tree.

While back in New York for Thanksgiving, my mom and I got in the holiday spirit by getting her a Christmas tree. We've had a real tree for as long as I can remember but with my mom's illness this past year, the fact that she has to lug shit up and down the stairs from the cellar, and my dad having to haul a real tree in and out of the house, it just seemed easier to buy a good-quality fake one that will last and be much more manageable for them.

We went shopping the Saturday after Thanksgiving and the first thing we found was the tree. It's 7.5 feet tall, which proved to be just a smidge too tall for the family room so it's sitting at my parents' house decorated but sans angel. Which I prefer because for some reason, I hate angels atop a Christmas tree. While we were out, my mom also picked up a few new snowflake ornaments to mix things up a bit.


I also picked up my first Christmas gifts of the season; one for my brother and one for my father.


They were both delighted with their new Syracuse Orangemen ornament and it was the first to go on our tree after my mom and I had put it up. It's a nice complement to the SU banner hanging over the fireplace that my father won't allow anyone to remove.

We used to have the multi-colored lights and a bunch of random ornaments when Andy and I were little but as we got older, my mom started doing a color theme for the tree and it's been purple and silver now for a few years, which we both love, seeing as though purple is the most awesomest color ever. Look, purple and sparkly!


Now I just wait with childlike excitement and anticipation for Christmas.

smart girls DO have more fun

As if there aren't already plenty of reasons to adore the hilariously brilliant Amy Poehler, along with two other seemingly great women, she now has a web series, Smart Girls at the Party, which "celebrates extraordinary individuals who are changing the world by being themselves." Each week, she interviews a pre-teen girl and has so far, talked with a 10-year-old writer, a pair of sisters talking about the joys of sisterhood, and a 7 3/4-year-old girl who talked about feminism and sang a feminist song she wrote. The Barbie sponsorship seems to send a bit of a conflicting message but hopefully it will get more girls watching.



As expected from anything Amy Poehler-related, it's smart and funny and silly and she never talks down to the girls but talks to them as equals. Those are tough years for young girls and I think it's fantastic that there's a show out there reminding them that their awesomeness isn't defined by what they look like or what they wear or who they hang out with. But it rests solely in who they are, whomever that person may be.

lip foliage, flavor savor, lady tickler...

Whatever you call a mustache, I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with this short list of celebrities who can and can't pull of the look. I've met a total of one person in my life who had one that I didn't find to be...well, creepy.

Got a little goattee? Cool. Got that rough stubble look? Cool? Even sometimes a beard on the right person can be doable. But a 'stache? I'm going to have to go with "no thank you."

creepy-lookin'...

"This undated handout photo shows a creature called a pygmy tarsier, believed for the eight decades to have been extinct. One of the world's smallest and rarest primates, it was rediscovered in Indonesia by Texas A and M University professor Sharon Gursky-Doyen in August." - From Yahoo

...in a pretty cool-lookin' fetus/don't feet him after midnight kind of way.

liberal women hate Sarah Palin because "she has a great sex life."

I've never been a fan of Dennis Miller but now I'm even less of one.

"She’s a great dame. People are fascinated by her because the Left hate her. I think the Left hate her — mostly women on the Left hate her — because to me from outside in it appears that she has a great sex life, all right? I think she has non-neurotic sex with that Todd Palin guy. … I think that snow mobile looks like mechanized foreplay to me and that’s why people are fascinated."

Male pundits have been unbelievably fascinated with Palin and her sex life throughout this entire campaign. It's over. Your boner-inducing VP candidate lost, move on. Throughout the campaign, I heard several of those pundits consistently complimenting her good looks, saying they wanted her to be lying next to them in bed, claiming that women who don't get behind her are just jealous of the fact that so many men want to get behind her and "drill, baby drill!" Here's a secret, fellas. If you want women to stop believing you only think with your dicks...stop thinking with only your dicks!

Why can't we say, "no way in hell am I supporting her" because of her crazy-ass beliefs? Her love of teaching creationism? Her wildly anti-choice stance? Her biblical fundamentalism? Those were a few of my reasons for not supporting her. Not because she's pretty. Not because I think she has more sex than I do. Not because I wish I had her life. Because I think her beliefs and the possibility of her having some power to translate her beliefs into public policy would have been dangerous and destructive.

The one (and just about the only) thing I liked about Palin is the fact that I think she scares the piss out of a lot of conservative men. They cling to the idea that she's a maverick and not afraid to take on big oil and not afraid to do this and that but every time I turn around, some douchebaggy pundit has done his best to trivialize those things and reduce her to a hole (while making sure to comment on just how fuckable she is). I don't believe the Republican party will ever be responsible for electing a female president because I don't believe they can put aside their power and control issues long enough to let it happen. Hell, it's already quite obvious the right's love affair with feminism is over since they were quick as bunnies to pounce on Palin and promptly blame her for McCain's loss:



I don't care about Sarah Palin's sex life. I wouldn't have cared if Bill Clinton fucked every intern and staffer in the White House, provided they were of legal age and mentally capable of saying, "sure, let's fuck." I don't care if the day he announced our going into Iraq, George gave it to Laura like it was the last time they would ever go at it. And I don't care if shooting moose gets Palin hot and bothered enough to come home, throw a collar on Todd, and lead him around the bedroom on a leash.

It just. doesn't. matter.

Break free from that sexual repression of yours, Dennis, and you may find that you won't always feel the need to obsess about others' sex lives. It feels good, I promise.

Question of the Day - 11/12/08

From shooting stars to stray eyelashes, there are a lot of ways to make a wish. What's your preferred method for asking favors from the universe?

Every day at lunch, if there are straws involved in the drinking of our libations, I peel the paper off and spit it at my co-worker. At that point, I take the paper back and proceed to tie it in a knot and if when the paper breaks (as it always does), the knot stays, I make a wish. I then keep doing that and making wishes until the paper is too small to tie into knots. Since, at that point, I'm left with a bunch of little pieces of paper, I wad them up into little balls and flick them at my co-worker for the duration of our lunch.

I'm also entirely unable to see the clock read all the same number without making a wish. But I much prefer the straw paper knot wishing method.

Question of the Day

Whether it's a canary in the coal mine or a waitress in the weeds, idiomatic expressions can sometimes stump us even in our own language. What common expression puzzles you the most?

The cat's meow and the cat's pajamas
I've never really understood either of these. Some find a cat's meow to be annoying, not the greatest thing in the world. And pajamas? The cats pajamas? It baffles.

Sleep like a baby and eat like a bird
I just don't understand these because they don't make any sense. "Sleep like a baby" is usually used to describe sleeping well when in reality, babies are notorious for not sleeping through the night and being fidgety. And most birds? They eat lots!

One hand washes the other
I've actually pondered this while washing my hands because it's very difficult to wash one hand all by itself. You can't thoroughly wash your hands...without one washing the other. I guess it doesn't puzzle me so much as just make common sense.

I'm sure there's more but for now, I have some "getting ready for the week" to do and I'm gonna be quick as a porcupine's hiccup about it!

it really IS all about the simple pleasures

Yesterday, I got up and finally reacquainted myself with my "Workout Tunage" at the gym, spent the afternoon picking up my apartment, spent the evening reading and watching a bit of television, and hit the sheets early.

Today, I got up at a reasonable time (which is rare for me on a Sunday), took my ass to the gym again and am now enjoying that post-haven't-been-to-the-gym-in-a-long-time hurt.

I'm watching some show about Titanic on the History Channel, which always fascinates me, before brewing some coffee (with my favorite seasonal tasty coffee creamer, cooking up a little breakfast, and spending a bit of the afternoon with my favorite slayer.

Throw in there the fact that I saw the beginnings of snowflakes walking back from the gym today and I'd say it's been a pretty damn good weekend.

Question of the Day

Bram Stoker, author of Dracula, and Vlad the Impaler, the original Dracula, have the same birthday. Coincidence?

Nothing vampire-related is coincidence. Their evilness prevents it.

It's the anniversary of the Russian Revolution, marking the Marxist overthrow of the Russian government. Karl Marx once wrote that "religion is the opium of the people." What is the new opium of the people?

Obama! C'mon, marixsm, socialism, communism...it's all too easy!

One of the highlights of going to a literary festival is hearing authors read from their own works. What author, living or dead, would you most like to hear read?

Wow, there are a lot of possibilities there. I'd very much like to hear Virginia Woolf read, especially if it's To the Lighthouse, one of my all-time favorites. As for the living, I would love to hear Wally Lamb but what I would really give my left arm for is to hear him, along with the women whose stories came to be through the volunteering he's done at York Correctional Institution in Connecticut, reading from both of the books the women helped write. If anyone can make that happen, let me know, huh?

for we are always what our situations hand us

If I had ever heard this song in high school, it would have meant something to me. If I had heard it certain times during college, it would have meant something different. If I had heard it throughout the years as I've grown older...something different.

But I only just discovered it today. Two days after a monumental and emotional day in history that I was lucky enough to witness and be a part of. One about which I've been trying to put some words together in an attempt at describing how it's made me feel.

Ain't that somethin'.



They say that these are not the best of times
But they're the only times I've ever known
And I believe there is a time for meditation
In cathedrals of our own

Now I have seen that sad surrender in my lover's eyes
And I can only stand apart and sympathize
For we are always what our situations hand us
It's either sadness or euphoria

And so we'll argue and we'll compromise
And realize that nothing's ever changed
For all our mutual experience
Our separate conclusions are the same

Now we are forced to recognize our inhumanity
Our reason coexists with our insanity
And though we choose between reality and madness
It's either sadness or euphoria

How thoughtlessly we dissipate our energies
Perhaps we don't fulfill each other's fantasies
And as we stand upon the ledges of our lives
With our respective similarities
It's either sadness or euphoria

A crisis averted

This is what I'm doing this morning at work.

Palin as president

Yeah. Busy day.

Question fo the Day (catch-up)

Woah, it looks like Halloween was the last Question of the Day I answered. My bad.

NaNoWriMo starts today. Give us a one-sentence description of the novel you plan to write.

The novel I plan to write is a non-existent one full of no characters and even less storyline.

As the Northern hemisphere spins toward the shortest day of the year, it's getting dark earlier and earlier. What comforts do you fall back on when the days are short and the nights are long?

I've always been a cold weather girl. Fall, winter...they're my seasons. I feel most alive, I feel the happiest, and thanks to my ever present preference of the nighttime over the daytime, I quite like all the darkness that comes with this time of year and the same things that comfort me the rest of the year (family, friends, my city, my part in it, and so on and so forth) comfort me this time of year.

November is National Beard Month. Muttonchops, Van Dyke, goatee, soul patch, ZZ Zop-style - tell us about your own wild and wooly facial hair. Even better, post a picture.

What, only dudes use LiveJournal? I have no wild and wooly facial hair and like it that way. However, when it comes to facial hair on penis havers, I'm a big fan (especially of a little non-shaving stubble or a goatee...rawr!).

Now that the election is over, we can get to the important stuff. Why is there a light in the refrigerator but not in the freezer?

Isn't it because people are more likely to get up from sweet sleep and look for something (mainly a beverage, I would think) in the refrigerator than they are to look for something in the freezer? At least, that's what I've always thought the reasoning is there.

I'm such a big ol' ball of emotion today

Read this, please?

I Didn't Vote For Obama Today

Question of Election Day

It's hard to ignore the fact that today is Election Day in the U.S. If you went to the polls today, tell us what it was like. Long line? Free stickers? Hanging chads? We want the details.

I got up a little earlier than usual, got to my polling place around the corner at 5:50 (10 minutes before it oficially opened) and I was #24 in line. With 7 voting booths, things moved relatively quickly, I filled in my little arrows next to my candidates, hopped on the bus, and was early to work only by about 15 minutes or so. From what I hear around the office, we may be closing down early today anyway so that people can get the hell out of dodge before everyone and their sister comes to live it up (hopefully!) in Grant Park.

At that point, I'll head home, get comfy, and settle in for what I'm hoping will be the delightfully positive, feel good event of the year, involving take-out food, wine, blog reading, watching my two boyfriends cover the election, and copious amounts of texting my political junkie friends and family. Funsies!

Question of the Day

We have to ask: What are you going to be for Halloween this year? And can we see a picture?

I don't love Halloween. I don't hate Halloween. I...I nothing Halloween.

Even as a kid, it was never my favorite holiday. Even though I can tell you that my all-time favorite costume was when my brother and the two kids from across the street went out trick-or-treating as a box of Crayola crayons (yours truly was purple, of course). As I was running down the steps of a stranger's house after snagging some candy, I tripped and fell and ripped a big old hole right in the middle of my crayon costume.

I also remember my brother and I dressing up as toothpaste and an Oreo cookie. But for the life of me, I can't remember who was the toothpaste and who was the cookie.

But either way...since "growing up," I don't really celebrate Halloween. I don't need a reason to eat candy whenever I want nor do I need a reason to play dress up.

So this year, I'm just me. And no, you can't see a picture.

Question of the Day

30 Rock returns to television today. Should Tina Fey's striking resemblance to Gov. Palin become part of this season's storyline?

No.

And as fucking hilarious as Tina Fey is, she should stop having to play her.

So for the sake of Tina's sanity, my sanity, and the sanity of everyone in the world, please do not help elect the vapid, incompetent woman.

Thanks.

Question of the Day catch-up

With Halloween on the horizon, burning questions about the undead need to be answered: Can being a zombie be considered suffering?

I generally believe suffering to be entirely subjective. Much like most of life, I can relate it to Buffy. After his gypsy curse, Angel walked around with a soul, forced to recall and live with the memories of all the vivious things he did as Angelus. Suffering. Spike, having no soul at all, dug his ability to walk around sucking the life out of people until The Initiative implanted the chip (die, Riley, die!!) He only suffered after being rendered inable to live life the way he was used to. It's all about circumstances. Some zombies probably dig it, some probably don't.

Everyone enjoys a ghost story. Or at least knows one. What is the scariest ghost story you've ever heard?

I'm not sure I've really heard a lot of true ghost stories. I've read plenty of creepy, scary stories (hi, Stephen King) but ghost stories, not so much. When I read it in school, I remember thinking almost anything written by Edgar Allen Poe has a genuine fright to it (moreso the prose than the poetry) and just the other day, I picked up The Complete Tales and Poems of Edgar Allen Poe. So far, I've only read my all-time favorite, The Cask of Amontillado, but as I read some this week, I'll let you know if they're as scary as I remember.

Happy birthday, Internet! The Internet, of course, has changed many things for the good. But is it all good? What is the biggest problem the Internet has created for you or the world?

Nothing in life is all good but I definitely say the internet has been more beneficial to me than it has been detrimental. The biggest problmem it's created is probably the huge amount of time that's dedicated to it on a regular basis. Although it's usually used for reading and learning crap so, ya know...that's a good thing.

a joke

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale, it read 117 lbs. and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again, he asked where to go next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date..."how'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh Waura, it was wousy!"

my current obsessions

I'm so very smitten.



And look how beautiful!




And look how beautiful!

a PSA

Any change in tax code is a redistribution of wealth.

That $700 billion bailout for Wall Street? A redistribution of wealth.

Palin's taking of oil profits and giving them to fellow Alaskans? A redistribution of wealth.

The simple fact that we pay taxes is a redistribution of wealth. We make money, the government takes it, and redistributes it. The simply price we pay for living like civilized people with roads and schools and stuff. Pretty straight forward, no?

So enough with the "Barry's a socialist who wants to redistrbute the wealth" argument, mmmkay?

Thanks.

Question of the Day

I don't care for some of the Question of the Day questions so when that's the case, I'll pick something from the archive instead. This shall be one of those times.

Everyone knows having a crush at the office or in class can make the time pass a little bit quicker. Is it better to keep your crush a secret or tell them how you feel?

"Depends on the situation" definitely could apply to this question but generally, I think that by nature, crushes aren't intended to develop into significant, intimate relationships and having genuine feelings for each other is much different than feeling infatuated and / or having a crush on someone. For me, there's no hidden agenda behind a crush or secret longing.

If it's a crush on someone I barely know, chances are, I'm going to keep my mouth shut because, "hey, we don't know each other but I have a huge crush on you" would make me feel a bit awkward so I assume it would for others as well. But if it's a co-worker or a classmate I'm friends with...I say definitely own up to the crush.

Question of the Day

When it comes to making a difference, some people donate money and others volunteer their time. What cause gets your time or money?

Few things get my money, simply because I don't have the kind of disposable income I'd like to have in order to donate money and not feel like I'm putting myself further into debt. But through my workplace, for Christmas, we sponsor families through Christopher House and my money goes toward clothing and toys for families who need them.

If I ever win an assload of money in the lottery, my money shall go to my parents and brother to pay off their bills and have some fun money, some more for my brother so he (and hopefully my father) can open a restaurant, a college fund for my brother's girlfriend's daughter, and some friends so they can have some cash to make whatever they want happen for themselves. After that, I would most definitely donate to Just Detention International (an organization focused on ending sexual abuse in all forms of detention), the Boys & Girls Clubs of Chicago, the Human Rights Campaign, and I would hopefully find some more local organizations to help.

My time, on the other hand, is much more readily available than my money and it's mainly donated to the Chicago Rape Crisis Hotline. A few months after starting my shifts, my parents asked on the phone one night how it was going and I told them that even after those few months, I couldn't imagine not working there.

I still can't. Can't really imagine I ever will.

Question of the Day

Imagine a world without Star Trek. Is it a world you'd be very happy to live in, or a dark and terrible place?

Well, considering I've never once seen an episode of Star Trek and couldn't tell you a single thing about it, I'm going to say it'd be the exact same kind of world I'm living in now. The one in which I'm pretty happy.

That question sucked.

what a maverick!

My friends, I'm broke and I'm going to lose anyway.

Can I start singing, "nah nah nah nah...nah nah nah nah...hey hey hey...goooooooodbye," now?

i love the 80s

A blog I regularly read has an "FYI" series in which they post these little gems for a variety of awesome 80s tunes.

I listened to this song this morning and it's one of my favorites in the series.



And a few of my other faves...

inaugural "Question of the Day" post

From here on out, I'm going to take the Live Journal Writer's Block question and use it as my Question of the Day in this ol' blog. And depending on how bored I am today, I may just scroll back through past ones and answer some. So beware possible over-postyness.

As my brother used to say when he was younger: ready...go...set!

'Tis the season for scary movies. Some rank The Evil Dead as the best horror film of all time. What is your favorite scary movie?

I've never been a huge fan of scary movies but I'm definitely going to have to go with The Shining.

I hate films that are full of blood and guts and gore simply for the sake of being full of blood and guts and gore. None of those things scare me and none of those things are what The Shining is about. It's about the entirely plausible reality that a man could go crazy due to isolation. Sure, you've got to somewhat believe in the power of a haunted place to affect a guy and his family but you remove someone from society and stick them in a place where they start believing something or someone is fucking with them and shit's bound to get creepy.

Every time I read the book, I'm freaked out. And every time I've watched the film, I've been sure to leave a few candles burning for some comforting light.

It doesn't hurt that Jack Nicholson is just plain creepy as fuck.

just one of the many reasons behind my vote this year

Joe Biden and the VAWA (Vioelnce Against Women Act)

possibly the cutest photo ever

Adorable and so incredibly moving.

i am a girl without a subject

It feels kinda funny to say it (rather, to write it) but I'm kinda glad my traveling for the year is almost done.

While in Mexico, my mom offered to pay for me to come back to New York for Thanksgiving but after checking out Amtrak (flights are always too ridiculous), even the train would cost over $200. Eff that. I'm thankful for my family every day and although I'd like to someday spend Thanksgiving with them again, I'm okay with not heading back to New York. My plan is to stay at home and take some hotline shifts so the awesome staff ladies can have some much-needed holiday downtime.

I did, however, book my $130 train ride home for Christmas, which will hopefully be the last travelling I'll be doing until next summer when the parentals and I are hoping to get back to Portland (Maine). Both to and from New York are night trips so it's not like I'm wasting any time since I'm gonna get on the train, sleep, and wake up in a different place. So for $130, you really can't beat that.

Mexico, as expected, was mucho bueno. I tried to upload my photos last night but for some reason, can't. So I'm going to mess around tonight and see if I can't figure out the problem so I can make a proper post, with photos and all.

But for right now, I'm going to continue to do a big fat nothing for the next two hours until my ass gets to go home!

I think today is a "create-your-own" title day

Along with what seems like the majority of women in Chicago, I went out with my best friend bride-to-be Saturday night for her bachelorette party.

We started at her friend's house with snacks and wine and an employee of Tulip, selling some of us some goodies, before we headed out for more alcoholic treats.

The limo dropped us at Bootlegger's because as we were strolling by, a guy said he'd give us a bottle of free champagne if we came in, so...that's just good sense. We had a few drinks, played a a fun, little, let's meet some people in a crazy way!" game, and eventually headed to Hangge-Uppe, which is generally too crowded and obnoxious for my liking but after many beers and 3 shots (which is 3 too many), I didn't much care. That is, until the limo picked us up and about and half-way back to the North Side, kindly pulled over for me so I could get sick. Always a pleasure. I give it until about Noon before the whole office hears about that.

He then continued on to drop us at Golden Angel, where we indulged in cheap, tasty eggs and coffee, before taking cabs back to our respective apartments. At home, I was greeted by a pleasant 3 a.m. surprise in the form of a phone call with a friend whose voice I hadn't heard for far too long, and then peacefully drifted off to sleep until about noon Sunday. Productivity resumed and here I am, back at work for a 4-day week before heading off to Mexico for a much-needed family (most of us) vacation.

Good times abound.

dude, seriously?

I love discovering new and fascinating douchebags to read. Even if it does scare me to know they actually exist.

regarding last night's VP debate...

A very wise TV executive once told me that the key to TV is projecting through the screen. It's one of the keys to the success of, say, a Bill O'Reilly, who comes through the screen and grabs you by the throat. Palin too projects through the screen like crazy. I'm sure I'm not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, "Hey, I think she just winked at me." And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can't be learned; it's either something you have or you don't, and man, she's got it.

Credit for who actually wrote it because I wouldn't dream of taking credit for this crap.

I think Mr. Lowry needs to hurry up and stroke one off to fantasies of his dream girl and call it a day.

Project Runway - Episode 12

Episode 12: Challenge: "Create an evening gown inspired by nature."

For this challenge, the designers headed to the Bronx, where they visited The New York Botanical Garden, snapped a bunch of photos, and headed back to Parsons to choose one photo from which they drew inspiration for their gown.

I think nature is wildly inspiring and this was another one of my favorite challenges.. Even though the designers have semi-sucked and the judges and their decisions have semi-sucked, I've really loved the challenges this season.

The Official Winner

Designer: Jerell
The more I see from Jerell, the more I love him. Although part of me wanted to pull the dress up a few inches and part of me thinks, "this would look so much better on a woman with bodacious tatas," I adore this dress. Hell, I have bodacious tatas. I wanna wear it!


Designer: Leanne
I'm almost always bias to anything purple but even if it had been a different color, I'm fairly certain I would have still loved the dress. It's pretty and flowy, which makes up for the aspect of it that says, "look, someone just took a can of Reddi-Whip and sprayed it all over me."


Designer: Korto
I think this is possibly the worst thing Korto has created so far. I don't like the color, I don't like the fit, just...blech.


Designer: Kenley
Not only are you a complete bitch and rude to everyone, including the judges, this dress is just plain fugly. This isn't Splash. Go swim away.

Once again, the judges didn't think Kenley deserved to go home so the four of the designers got to go home to create their line for Fashion Week but only 3 of them will actually go (which we know is a lie because Joe was a plant when he showed). And there are photos out there of everyone's line so not much of a surprise is left other than who the last plant is and who the winner is.

My money is on Leanne.

j'aime les Français

Even though I don't understand French to the extent I would like and can only translate a few lines here and there, sometimes I listen to this on my iPod.

Michael Polnareff's Love Me, Please Love Me



And it makes me feel entirely relaxed and carefree and happy.

Project Runway - Episode 11

Episode 11: Challenge: "Create a look for a fellow designer inspired by a specific musical genre."

Fun!! Next to the drag queen challenge, I think this was my fave.

Since we're sadly approaching the end of Project Runway, I'm going to mention every design since there are so few.

The Official Winner

Designer: Korto - designed for Suede - punk
I love this outfit and definitely agree that it deserved to win. And although he's a whack-a-doodle, I also loved Suede's punk persona.

Official Loser

Designer: Suede - designed for Jerell - rock 'n roll
I do like this outfit but I also agree with Heidi in that Jerell looked like...Jerell. It's not all that different from what the dude usually wears and Suede could have gone all out for having the rock 'n roll genre. Take this and combine it with his previous outfits and it's oh-so-obvious that he just doesn't quite have it. Janelle likes that Suede is gone.

Other designs

Designer: Jerell - designed for Kenley - pop
Once again, Jerell comes up with a fabulous outfit. Does this not just scream, "I'm a pop star!" without screaming, "I'm a trashy, gonna-leave-my-panties-at-home pop star!"? I think it does. I freaking hate Kenley but she looked great in this.


Designer: Leanne - designed for Korto - country
As easy as it would have been to go down the costume route for this one, Leanne didn't and again, designed something I pretty much love. Not overly redneck and instead, classy with a little country thrown in.


Designer: Kenley - designed for Leanne - hip hop
Ummm. Yeah. Sooooooo not hip hop at all. All of the judges were pretty shocked at how bad Kenley's outfit was but once again, her obnoxius ass sticks around. I do think Suede needed to go home but I wouldn't have been upset if Kenley left either. She can do 1950s pin-up girl and that's it. Plain and simple. Not to mention, she's defensive and snarky anytime anyone gives her any kind of criticism. I hope she sucks serious ass on the next one and gets booted.

do NOT insert a smiley face here

On the bus the other night on my way home from work, I was sitting by a young girl who was obviously coming home from school or the babysitter's, along with her mother. Her mother was in the seat next to her and a guy was standing in front of her (rush hour bus = packed). For almost the entire ride, from when the guy got on and when I got off, he stared at the little girl. Now and then, he'd have to move aside for someone getting off the bus or the crazy-assed bus driver who went entirely too fast for having a full bus and every time, the guy's gut (he was a bigger guy with a belly) seemed to go directly in the little girl's direction. Every now and then, she kind of wriggled in her seat a bit or cozied up to her mom. That's when he smiled the most.

It was fucking creepy. I came super close to saying, "hey asshat, do you think maybe you could not stare at this 6- or 7-year-old girl for the entire fucking bus ride?" but I didn't because I had no idea what stop he was getting off at and if it was mine...not a desireable situation.

So when I got off the bus, I very obviously must have looked disusted because two additional asshats were walking toward me and stopped and asked, "damn baby, why you look so pissed? Who you pissed off at?"

To which I replied, "fuck off" and went along my merry way. I think the next time, I'm going to say something along the lines of, "the next time I find out my mother just died, I'll slap a smile on my face for ya!" or "just found out I have HIV. Here's my cheery smile...hope it makes your day!"

I don't generally smile when I'm walking around. I generally look pretty much like a bitch. Most of the time, it's not because I'm in a particularly pissed off mood or because I'm constantly a bitch, it's just who I am. When I want to smile, I smile. But my default face isn't "everything's coming up roses."

Which is apparently a good thing because my smile may just be interpreted as provocative and cause someone to beat me to death with a fire extinguisher.

I don't care if this woman had a vagina or an obvious-to-the-world dong. Or two obvious-to-the-world dongs.

I hope this dude's ass rots in jail.

Project Runway - Episode 10

While I understand that the liklihood of my favorite designer being auf'd is pretty high, I'm just not getting the judges' thought process this season. I agree with most of the eliminations but not the timing of the eliminations. And if Suede winds up being one of the non-decoys at Fashion Week, I'm gonna grab my trendiest handbag and throw up in it.

Episode 10: Challenge: "Create a makeover look for a college-aged woman for entry into the working world."

The Official Winner

Designer: Jerell
Jerell has a funky little style and I do think he's as wildly innovative as he is talented. But I wasn't a huge fan of this outfit. The blouse looked sloppy and I'm not really sure how to describe it other than I just wasn't feeling it on this one.

Official Loser

Designer: Joe
Oh Joe. Your eliminations saddens me so. I admit this wasn't one of his best outfits and I agree with the judges that it looks way too "80s Working Girl." These days, you don't need to wear a pin stripe suit to look professional and I think he just missed the mark on this one. As a fan of low-cut tempting cleavage-y tops, I adore the blouse and want one. But as an entire outfit, the look was just too old. But not old enough to qualify for elimination, damnit! So that's one New York Fashion Week collection that was a decoy. Ya tricky Project Runway bastards!

Who Should Have Won

Designer: Kenley
Kenley is an over-confident pain right in the ass. I agree with some of the designers that all she can do is 50s style retro dresses but her super adorable outfit should have won this one (she thought so too as it was all sorts of obvious that she was pissed at not winning this challenge).

Who Should Have Lost

Designer: Suede
Seriously. Third-person-speaking Suede needs to take his ass home, like yesterday. He's in the bottom 3 a lot and consistently brings to the table something that's either so-so or just plain bad. I really just don't understand why the judges have kept him around so long.

Project Runway - Episode 9

Episode 8: Challenge: "With the help of a previously eliminated designer, create an avant garde outfit inspired by one of the designer's astrological signs."

The Official Winner

Designer: Jerell (with Jennifer) - Sagitarius
What has 2 thumbs and was seriously bummed that this outfit won the challenge? This girl! I love the fabric of the skirt but I hate the overall outfit. The feathery fringe on the coat...the coat itself...the high-waisted fucking skirt that I'm so sick of seeing everywhere. No way should this outfit have won.

Official Loser #1

Designer: Blayne (with Stella) - Libra
I'm not sure I really need to say anything about this outfit and its elimination other than, "amen, judges."

Official Loser #2

Designer: Terri (with Keith) - Leo
Beyotch Terri was quite shocked that she was booted with this outfit but I agree with it. The colors are pretty but the fabric of the skirt makes it look uber cheap. I think it belongs in a low-budget version of a Disney princess movie.

Who Should Have Won

Designer: Joe (with Daniel) - Aries
Once again, I think my man got the shaft. In addition to the spectacular colors, I think Joe's a very capable and talented designer and I think this is another outfit that was not only beautiful but looked like it was well made. I adore it.

Project Runway - Episode 8

Episode 8: Challenge: "Create a look inspired by the fall collection of fashion designer and icon, Diane Von Furstenberg."

The Official Winner
Designer: Leanne
This outfit is fucking gorgeous and I was hoping it would win. The gown is a slinky, sexy, flowy purple number and I think Leanne has the classiest sense of style out of all of them. If I were to splurge on an awesome outfit for a fancy night out, this would be it.

The Official Loser
Designer: Stella
I actually think Stella has a great kickass sense of style and I liked this outfit except for the vampire cape. But up close, it looked poorly made and I think this challenge made it clear that there she wasn't going to make it to Bryant Park.

Who Should Have Lost

Designer: Suede
I don't necessarily disagree with Stella being auf'd but I do somewhat think Suede should have gone home. The judges were pretty complimentary of Suede's outfit but I just didn't care for it. I don't think he's gonna make it to Bryant Park either and I just haven't been "wow"ed by anything he's done so far.

But seriously. Someone hunt down Leanne and make her create that outfit specifically for me, please.

Save the boobies!

Who doesn't love boobies? Well, perhaps gay guys and that's perfectly okay.

But even if you're a gay guy who isn't into boobies, I certainly hope you support doing whatever we can to ensure each and every unique pair is as healthy as can be.



On September 27th, I'll be walking in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, a little 3.1-mile walk at Chicago's beautiful Grant Park.

Should you feel so inclined to give a few bucks toward the cause, that would be phenomenal and very much appreciated by me and millions of others.

Click this little link here, won't you?

the world's a mess and i just need to rule it

And when I do, my first law may be:

There shall be no wearing of clothes while listening to Prince.

Doing so just feels wrong.

i want! want! want!

McCain, is this one of your...wait, how many houses do you have again?

This was my favorite photo from last night's longest masturbatory session ever, known as the RNC.

I thought it was delightfully reminscint of the great California high school of the 90s and was hoping for Brenda & Dylan to walk out holding hands or for Buffy to slay some serious evil beasties before Prom.

As usual, the Republicans disappointed me.

one of the many things I love about my father

Emails like this:

I think I will try to watch some of the other side's convention tonight. I will be a trash can next to me just in case I need to "up chuck". I may have to!! I would like to listen to the Princess VP to see what she has to say and to see how much "sunshine" she tries to pump in my butt. I really do not know who else speaks. That will probably be enough for me.

I can't wait for the debates. I hope they "take the gloves off" and we see a couple of good "12 round fights". I guess at this point I am just vindictive.

Will talk later.

LOVE YOU GIRL

My response may be something similar to what I told a good friend last night: "I'm gonna play 'take a drink every time you see a black person' and see how sober I can get."

oh George, my circuits burn for you!

When I build a robot, like the creator of Robot Laura Bush and Robot George Bush did, I'm going to be sure to include the following:

- the ability to move his / her eyeballs
- the ability to speak without the use of cue cards
- the ability to tell the truth (nobody's "kept me safe," sweetie, but ME)
- pronunciation skills (it's "moskeetoe," not "moskeetuh")

But most importantly, some fun phrases. Perhaps something like..."git er done!"

Oh, and a command that prevents them from saying the numbers 9 and 11 in the same sentence.

Oh, and a Robot Ronald Reagan so they can take turns making sweet, sweet robot love to it.

I need wine.

The Pillsbury Doughboy: Friend or Foe?

I'm nearly peeing my panties with glee that I've finally found out what exactly is causing that pesky little high divorce rate and bringing about the descruction of masculinity and those good ol' traditional, "get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich, sweetie!" values.

The Pillsbury Doughboy and his fake biscuits.

If I wasn't being asked to actually do work for once at work, I'd comment on the hilarity.

Perhaps later.

oh, I love my alumni board

We have a resident conservative douchebag on our high school alumni board who I love to fuck with on there. In response to McCain's VP announcement today, I wrote the following:

Republican women will be creaming their panties over this choice but if he thinks Democrat women are gonna come flocking to his side, I think he's sadly mistaken. It's so obvious he picked her for one reason and one reason only. She has a vagina and he thinks that's gonna pull in the extra votes he needs. Those disgruntled Hillary supporters don't want just any woman in the White House, they want Hillary in the White House. And the only thing she and Palin share is a Y chromosome.

Her inexperience is going to make a lot of people nervous. And it's going to highlight his age issue. She's got no military experience, no international experience, and if McSame drops dead a year from now (which, let's face it, while sad, it's a very real possibility with a 72-year-old man with skin cancer), this woman's prepared to lead? Laughable.

Plus, Biden's gonna hand her ass to her in the VP debates.

Other than his serving his country, the only thing I've got to thank McCain for is ensuring that the next few months will provide some of the best. entertainment. ever.

This was his response:

Aside from your rather vulgar and tiresome discourse you not surprisingly failed to mention that the only one here running for high office with real lack of experience (except maybe in BS) is Obama. Only thing I can say in his behalf is that he talks nice which I’m afraid is more than I can say for you.

Skip, dear...I'd like you to fucking eat me. And all the prim and properness that comes along with it.

Project Runway - Episode 7 - vroom! vroom!

Episode 7: Challenge: Create an outfit from Saturn car parts."

Yowsa. That's like me taking apart my old-ass Fort Escort and throwing together an outfit. I bet I could have used the gold hubcaps, at least. Good to know that some wanna-be fashion designers have much more innovation than I do. This was a tough one because I think nearly everyone really came up with something fantastic, especially given the materials they had to work with.

The Official Winner

Designer: Leanne
Personally, I'm not a fan of the additional hips thrown on this leathery number...I just don't like the look. But this dress looked absolutely flawless. I do think Leanne has some great ideas and so far, always comes through and meets the challenge. I think this one also proved that the girl is just plain talented when it comes to executing her design. One of the judges told her she could go straight to Paris with this dress and the craftsmanship, for something they had 2 days to throw together out of car parts, was amazing. Although I don't like goofy-shaped skirt, I can get behind this design having won.


The Official Loser

Designer: Keith
Oh, Keith. You're pretty to look at but holy hell, do I hate to hear you talk. The outfit doesn't look too bad in this photo but the skirt looked pretty shoddily made and the back looked like a big ol', not put together mess. When criticized by the judges (ya know, 'cause that's kinda what they're there for), he blamed the model for having to sit down while in hair and makeup and then went on to whine about how he was so disappointed in last week's performance and the criticism he got for that. Challenge after challenge, he just doesn't seem to cut it. So buh-bye, Keith. I agree with that booting too.

Who Should Have Won
I did love Leanne's design and I'm okay with her winning. But there were also a couple others I really loved.


Designer: Suede
Obnoxious, third-person guy? Yes. But I do like his stuff. And for this challenge, I thought his design was great. I'd totally wear it. Look, shiny!!


Designer: Jerell
There's nothing really of Jerell's that I'd wear but I fucking love this outfit. It doesn't scream, "look, I'm made out of car parts!" nor "look at my fashion forward, futuristic outfit!" I think he's creative and innovative and follows through on those with being able to really make his things look well-made. I do kinda wish he'd won this one.

Project Runway - Episode 6

I love vacation but I just got around to watching last week's Project Runway. Oy!



The Official Winner

Designer: Joe
Finally, my man wins! Although I'm not a huge fan of pink, the outfit he refers to as "Ann Margaret on the Love Boat" looks absolutely fantastic on Ms. Varla Jean Merman. She's pretty close to smokin' hot for a drag queen, as far as I'm concerned.


The Official Loser

Designer: Daniel
Dude, seriously. I could take this to Cancun next month for a night out of dancing. I don't think it's at all drag queen material and as Nina said, he's fallen short on a couple challenges and is always "my taste is impeccable and I'm fabulously sophisticated" when he gets the slightest bit of criticism. Pretty dress but it was definitely time for Daniel to go home.

I couldn't agree more with the judges choices this time around.

Project Runway - Episode 5

"Episode 4: Challenge: Create an outfit for Brooke Sheild's character (a bohemian-esque woman, now married to a musician and running her own studio company) to wear on her television show, Lipstick Jungle. Something that can be worn at the office and worn for a night on the town with her girlfriends."

This was a partner challenge, which is always wildly entertaining because there's all sorts of personalities on this show. They all pitched a design, 6 of them were chosen, and then those 6 people chose partners with whom to work. Personally, I would have liked to have seen a couple of the other pitched designs but I guess that's really a moot point.

The Official Winner

Designer: Keith, worked with Kenley
I was rooting for this one to win too. I love the colors, it's classy enough for the office but still fun and flirty for a night out. Keith's a serious tool and I hate that we'll have to listen to his "I'm the awesomest designer ever" talk for another week but I do think that with the exception of his wind machine-created dress, he's done pretty well so far.

The Official Loser

Designer: Kelli, worked with Daniel
I agree that this one was the worst of the designs and a bit on the trashy side but I think Daniel should have gone home, not Kelli. So far, Kelli's put out some fantastic designs and Daniel's been...well...eh. He claims to be all about having this impeccable and glamorous taste but so far, he's kinda done crap. I think we would have seen more great outfits from Kelli had she stuck around but Daniel? I'm not expecting much. So while I can get behind the idea that his design is trashy and not something to wear to work, Daniel should have been sent packing.

I really am having a problem with Nina's and Michael Kors' thought processes this season.

Project Runway - Episode 4

"Episode 4: Challenge: Create an outfit for the American teams to wear during the Olympic Opening Ceremonies."

The Official Winner

Designer: Korto
The only thing I didn't care for about this outfit was that the small amount of blue she had looked black. I love the linen pants, I think the entire outfit looks comfortable and could be worn by a lot of female athletes and still look sharp.

The Official Loser

Designer: Jennifer
Even though I hate Judge Nina, I couldn't agree more with her comment that Jennifer just can't separate her own taste from the challenges. She's very feminine and girlie, which is adorable but not necessarily always appropriate for the challenges. There's not a thing American nor sporty about this outfit and sadly, I was glad she was booted.

Who Should Have Won

Designer: Joe
I love Joe. I was okay with Korto winning but I do think Joe got robbed a bit. I think the colors and the sportiness make up for the funky length of the skirt portion of his skort. I think he was the only one who very obviously knew from the get go what kind of challenge this was and how to incorporate it into his design. So far, it's him and Terri whose outfits I see and think, "I can't wait to see what they do for the next one."