wow. a thousand words, indeed

Bill signings of two of the most important women's rights bills to have passed over the course of the past few years.

The Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act of 2003

The Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act of 2009

I will not cry at work, I will not cry at work

Should you ever feel pessimistic about the state of the world...

or doubt the possibility for change or progress...

or your ability to be part of them...

Should you ever feel insignificant...

or wonder "what's the point?" or "what's it all for?"...

just have yourself a look

a new tomorrow

Rather than a beautifully written, introspective post about the beauty that will be Obama's inauguration tomorrow, I give you this.



Cheers!

Jay Leno = Douche, but Wanda Sykes = Awesome

Wanda thinks "there's gonna be some booty slappin' in the White House!"



Might there be a bit of a negative response regarding her comments about black people and money? Sure. Might there be a bit of a negative response regarding the belief of some that "booty slappin'" only advances the stereotype that black people are naturally hyper-sexual? Sure.

But when you're right, you're right, Wanda. Sexy, satiating, ass-slappin' sex?

Yes, we can!

sings in my best Marilyn Monroe voice...

Happy day before your birthday to you...Happy day before your birthday to you...Happy day before your birthday, Mr. Governor...happy birthday to you.

U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald said,

"The breadth of corruption laid out in these charges is staggering...they allege that Blogojevich put a 'for sale' sign on the naming of a United States Senator; involved himself personally in pay-to-play schemes with the urgency of a salesman meeting his annual sales target; and corruptly used his office in an effort to trample editorial voices of criticism."

Frickin' genius, Rod.

liberal women hate Sarah Palin because "she has a great sex life."

I've never been a fan of Dennis Miller but now I'm even less of one.

"She’s a great dame. People are fascinated by her because the Left hate her. I think the Left hate her — mostly women on the Left hate her — because to me from outside in it appears that she has a great sex life, all right? I think she has non-neurotic sex with that Todd Palin guy. … I think that snow mobile looks like mechanized foreplay to me and that’s why people are fascinated."

Male pundits have been unbelievably fascinated with Palin and her sex life throughout this entire campaign. It's over. Your boner-inducing VP candidate lost, move on. Throughout the campaign, I heard several of those pundits consistently complimenting her good looks, saying they wanted her to be lying next to them in bed, claiming that women who don't get behind her are just jealous of the fact that so many men want to get behind her and "drill, baby drill!" Here's a secret, fellas. If you want women to stop believing you only think with your dicks...stop thinking with only your dicks!

Why can't we say, "no way in hell am I supporting her" because of her crazy-ass beliefs? Her love of teaching creationism? Her wildly anti-choice stance? Her biblical fundamentalism? Those were a few of my reasons for not supporting her. Not because she's pretty. Not because I think she has more sex than I do. Not because I wish I had her life. Because I think her beliefs and the possibility of her having some power to translate her beliefs into public policy would have been dangerous and destructive.

The one (and just about the only) thing I liked about Palin is the fact that I think she scares the piss out of a lot of conservative men. They cling to the idea that she's a maverick and not afraid to take on big oil and not afraid to do this and that but every time I turn around, some douchebaggy pundit has done his best to trivialize those things and reduce her to a hole (while making sure to comment on just how fuckable she is). I don't believe the Republican party will ever be responsible for electing a female president because I don't believe they can put aside their power and control issues long enough to let it happen. Hell, it's already quite obvious the right's love affair with feminism is over since they were quick as bunnies to pounce on Palin and promptly blame her for McCain's loss:



I don't care about Sarah Palin's sex life. I wouldn't have cared if Bill Clinton fucked every intern and staffer in the White House, provided they were of legal age and mentally capable of saying, "sure, let's fuck." I don't care if the day he announced our going into Iraq, George gave it to Laura like it was the last time they would ever go at it. And I don't care if shooting moose gets Palin hot and bothered enough to come home, throw a collar on Todd, and lead him around the bedroom on a leash.

It just. doesn't. matter.

Break free from that sexual repression of yours, Dennis, and you may find that you won't always feel the need to obsess about others' sex lives. It feels good, I promise.

for we are always what our situations hand us

If I had ever heard this song in high school, it would have meant something to me. If I had heard it certain times during college, it would have meant something different. If I had heard it throughout the years as I've grown older...something different.

But I only just discovered it today. Two days after a monumental and emotional day in history that I was lucky enough to witness and be a part of. One about which I've been trying to put some words together in an attempt at describing how it's made me feel.

Ain't that somethin'.



They say that these are not the best of times
But they're the only times I've ever known
And I believe there is a time for meditation
In cathedrals of our own

Now I have seen that sad surrender in my lover's eyes
And I can only stand apart and sympathize
For we are always what our situations hand us
It's either sadness or euphoria

And so we'll argue and we'll compromise
And realize that nothing's ever changed
For all our mutual experience
Our separate conclusions are the same

Now we are forced to recognize our inhumanity
Our reason coexists with our insanity
And though we choose between reality and madness
It's either sadness or euphoria

How thoughtlessly we dissipate our energies
Perhaps we don't fulfill each other's fantasies
And as we stand upon the ledges of our lives
With our respective similarities
It's either sadness or euphoria

A crisis averted

This is what I'm doing this morning at work.

Palin as president

Yeah. Busy day.

I'm such a big ol' ball of emotion today

Read this, please?

I Didn't Vote For Obama Today

Question of the Day

30 Rock returns to television today. Should Tina Fey's striking resemblance to Gov. Palin become part of this season's storyline?

No.

And as fucking hilarious as Tina Fey is, she should stop having to play her.

So for the sake of Tina's sanity, my sanity, and the sanity of everyone in the world, please do not help elect the vapid, incompetent woman.

Thanks.

a PSA

Any change in tax code is a redistribution of wealth.

That $700 billion bailout for Wall Street? A redistribution of wealth.

Palin's taking of oil profits and giving them to fellow Alaskans? A redistribution of wealth.

The simple fact that we pay taxes is a redistribution of wealth. We make money, the government takes it, and redistributes it. The simply price we pay for living like civilized people with roads and schools and stuff. Pretty straight forward, no?

So enough with the "Barry's a socialist who wants to redistrbute the wealth" argument, mmmkay?

Thanks.

what a maverick!

My friends, I'm broke and I'm going to lose anyway.

Can I start singing, "nah nah nah nah...nah nah nah nah...hey hey hey...goooooooodbye," now?

just one of the many reasons behind my vote this year

Joe Biden and the VAWA (Vioelnce Against Women Act)

possibly the cutest photo ever

Adorable and so incredibly moving.

dude, seriously?

I love discovering new and fascinating douchebags to read. Even if it does scare me to know they actually exist.

regarding last night's VP debate...

A very wise TV executive once told me that the key to TV is projecting through the screen. It's one of the keys to the success of, say, a Bill O'Reilly, who comes through the screen and grabs you by the throat. Palin too projects through the screen like crazy. I'm sure I'm not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, "Hey, I think she just winked at me." And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can't be learned; it's either something you have or you don't, and man, she's got it.

Credit for who actually wrote it because I wouldn't dream of taking credit for this crap.

I think Mr. Lowry needs to hurry up and stroke one off to fantasies of his dream girl and call it a day.

McCain, is this one of your...wait, how many houses do you have again?

This was my favorite photo from last night's longest masturbatory session ever, known as the RNC.

I thought it was delightfully reminscint of the great California high school of the 90s and was hoping for Brenda & Dylan to walk out holding hands or for Buffy to slay some serious evil beasties before Prom.

As usual, the Republicans disappointed me.

one of the many things I love about my father

Emails like this:

I think I will try to watch some of the other side's convention tonight. I will be a trash can next to me just in case I need to "up chuck". I may have to!! I would like to listen to the Princess VP to see what she has to say and to see how much "sunshine" she tries to pump in my butt. I really do not know who else speaks. That will probably be enough for me.

I can't wait for the debates. I hope they "take the gloves off" and we see a couple of good "12 round fights". I guess at this point I am just vindictive.

Will talk later.

LOVE YOU GIRL

My response may be something similar to what I told a good friend last night: "I'm gonna play 'take a drink every time you see a black person' and see how sober I can get."

oh George, my circuits burn for you!

When I build a robot, like the creator of Robot Laura Bush and Robot George Bush did, I'm going to be sure to include the following:

- the ability to move his / her eyeballs
- the ability to speak without the use of cue cards
- the ability to tell the truth (nobody's "kept me safe," sweetie, but ME)
- pronunciation skills (it's "moskeetoe," not "moskeetuh")

But most importantly, some fun phrases. Perhaps something like..."git er done!"

Oh, and a command that prevents them from saying the numbers 9 and 11 in the same sentence.

Oh, and a Robot Ronald Reagan so they can take turns making sweet, sweet robot love to it.

I need wine.

oh, I love my alumni board

We have a resident conservative douchebag on our high school alumni board who I love to fuck with on there. In response to McCain's VP announcement today, I wrote the following:

Republican women will be creaming their panties over this choice but if he thinks Democrat women are gonna come flocking to his side, I think he's sadly mistaken. It's so obvious he picked her for one reason and one reason only. She has a vagina and he thinks that's gonna pull in the extra votes he needs. Those disgruntled Hillary supporters don't want just any woman in the White House, they want Hillary in the White House. And the only thing she and Palin share is a Y chromosome.

Her inexperience is going to make a lot of people nervous. And it's going to highlight his age issue. She's got no military experience, no international experience, and if McSame drops dead a year from now (which, let's face it, while sad, it's a very real possibility with a 72-year-old man with skin cancer), this woman's prepared to lead? Laughable.

Plus, Biden's gonna hand her ass to her in the VP debates.

Other than his serving his country, the only thing I've got to thank McCain for is ensuring that the next few months will provide some of the best. entertainment. ever.

This was his response:

Aside from your rather vulgar and tiresome discourse you not surprisingly failed to mention that the only one here running for high office with real lack of experience (except maybe in BS) is Obama. Only thing I can say in his behalf is that he talks nice which I’m afraid is more than I can say for you.

Skip, dear...I'd like you to fucking eat me. And all the prim and properness that comes along with it.

there's nothing quite like a war criminal enjoyin' the Olympics with class!

Oh George, I know what you're thinkin', pal...I'm thinkin' it too. Don't worry, it's okay...it's natural, I promise.

More stupid, drunken, Texan presidential amusement here