no, we're *not* all sugar and spice

This kind of shit drives me batty.

At the age of 31, I have no idea how many times over the years I've been told that I should smile more. I've actually had people stop me on the street and ask me some version of, "why so blue?" or tell me, "you'd be prettier if you smiled" because they didn't care for the face I happened to be sharing at that moment. And in each one of those cases, the people who approached me? Men.

Surprisingly, it hasn't happened much recently but the next time it does, I've already decided I'm going to look the douche square in the face and tell him my mother just died of cancer, my father just got in a car accident and is paralyzed, I just found out I have a fatal brain tumour, and my pet monkey was stolen and sold on the zoo world black market. And then smile a big, friggin' smile and continue on my way to wherever I was heading before I was so rudely approached by Random Stranger #1,032.

It's not my job to make you feel important or better about yourself and it's not my job to mold myself into whatever it is some random person wants from me. Christ, I do that for society in general on a daily basis in ways I don't even realize at the time and it can be exhausting. My emotions and how I show them don't exist for you. And just because someone is a celebrity / star / whatever you want to call it, it doesn't mean she exists solely for you either. Just because I buy a ticket to a movie starring a particular celebrity, it doesn't mean I'm entitled to any certain part of that person. She doesn't owe me politeness, she doesn't owe me a hug and an autograph, she doesn't owe me anything; especially to respond to me in any way but a genuine one.

Unlike some people, I don't remember the moment my feminism was awakened. I tend toward it being somewhere around the time I made my First Communion and was Confirmed in Catholicism as a Junior in college (a moment that is *not* on my list of best ones). But the reason I continue to acknowledge it and embrace it is because I constantly find myself relating its principles to everyday life. The time I was at the bus stop with my headphones on and the homeless guy quite literally kicked me in the shins because I couldn't hear him ask me for change? My body isn't public property, pal. The bazillion times I've made choices a parent or relative or friend didn't agree with? I understand and respect that you disagree with me but it's my choice. And the times I simply ignored and walked away from the men who told me I should smile more because they would like me to? I'm not here for public consumption.

Whether I'm an Oscar-nominated actress or Janelle, Plain and Not So Tall.

I'll never let go, Kate...I'll never let go

I've always adored Kate Winslet. I don't think there's a film of hers I don't love and every time I've seen her on any kind of television spot, she seems like some random person they pulled off the street who is just there to chit chat rather than the youngest women to ever rack up 5 Oscar nominations.

If you watch any of her films, it's obvious she is amazingly talented as an actress. She's banned fashion magazines from her home in case the thin models influence her daughter, her style mantra is "whatever fits and whatever works," she's stated repeatedly that she loves her body whatever way it is.

As a bonus, she's easy on the eyes. We're talking easy like Sunday morning-easy.

And even though I hate Oprah, I love, love, love this clip. God bless your real breasts indeed, Kate.




Sidebar: In any and all future conversations that may directly or indirectly refer to my breasts, I'm going to try my best to somehow work in the sentence, "...when they race for sanctuary under my armpits when I lay on my back?"

smart girls DO have more fun

As if there aren't already plenty of reasons to adore the hilariously brilliant Amy Poehler, along with two other seemingly great women, she now has a web series, Smart Girls at the Party, which "celebrates extraordinary individuals who are changing the world by being themselves." Each week, she interviews a pre-teen girl and has so far, talked with a 10-year-old writer, a pair of sisters talking about the joys of sisterhood, and a 7 3/4-year-old girl who talked about feminism and sang a feminist song she wrote. The Barbie sponsorship seems to send a bit of a conflicting message but hopefully it will get more girls watching.



As expected from anything Amy Poehler-related, it's smart and funny and silly and she never talks down to the girls but talks to them as equals. Those are tough years for young girls and I think it's fantastic that there's a show out there reminding them that their awesomeness isn't defined by what they look like or what they wear or who they hang out with. But it rests solely in who they are, whomever that person may be.

The Pillsbury Doughboy: Friend or Foe?

I'm nearly peeing my panties with glee that I've finally found out what exactly is causing that pesky little high divorce rate and bringing about the descruction of masculinity and those good ol' traditional, "get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich, sweetie!" values.

The Pillsbury Doughboy and his fake biscuits.

If I wasn't being asked to actually do work for once at work, I'd comment on the hilarity.

Perhaps later.

Tonight, I started reading He's a Stud, She's a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know and I've decided what better way to fully process such an entertaining and relevant book than to take each one of these double standards and look at how they relate to my own life. I do realize my experiences may be drastically different than some and I may be ignoring issues that those people have to deal with but for now, I'm going to look at how they relate to just me.

An entry may be just about one of the double standards, it may be about a few of them. I make no promises other than to spill what's likely to be far too much information about my personal life into this little white box before hitting "publish post." Let the narcissism begin now.

1. He's a Stud, She's a Slut:
"If you have a vagina, chances are someone has called you a slut at least once in your life. There's just no getting around it."
I don't ever remember being called a slut to my face but I'm about 99.9% sure I've been called one behind my back. I never really dated while I was growing up and I didn't have sex until a few days before my 22nd birthday. Since I figured out, "wow, that's really fucking fun," I've made up for plenty of lost time and more than once or twice, I've wondered to myself if I'm a slut. And to some, if I sat down and walked them through my sexual experiences, I'm sure that's exactly what they would think of me. But the way I see it, each and every one of those times I had sex, there was a male involved. I didn't have sex by myself and my general philosophy toward all things sex-related is "if it's consensual, have at it." I don't care how many girls a guy has slept with because all I take it to mean is, "hey, he likes having sex." I don't think he's any more "manly" than the next guy if he's had 12 partners and the next guy has had three. And contrary to popular opinion, gasp! Women like sex too! So when I hear about a woman who's slept with 30 guys in 2 years, all I think is, "hey, she likes having sex." Neither male nor female sexuality is something to be tamed or controlled and that's exactly what the word "slut" attempts to do. Only just for women. No thanks.

2. He's Chill, She's on the Pill
"It's our responsibility to have safe sex: birth control pills, diaphragms, spermicides - shit, we even have to convince men to wear condoms! I say it's crap."
I've never really felt too strongly about this issue. I've been on the pill since I was 14, not because I was gettin' it on in high school but because I was a girl and had girlie problems that made me want to rip my uterus right out. So taking the pill (and paying for it) has just always been one of those things I've been used to and have done because I need to. While in both of the relationships I've been in that were...long-term and long-term-esque, it was discussed and both were willing to help cover that cost, but didn't, simply because I didn't see the need. I've also been lucky enough to always have some kind of health insurance, which a fucking lot of women don't. So this isn't nearly as big of an issue as it is to a lot of women. In the past, I've also been plenty stupid about protecting myself but in none of those situations have I thought it to be someone's fault other than my own. Of course, if given the option, a guy isn't gonna wear a condom...who the fuck wants to wear a condom? But most reasonable adults, if not in a committed relationship, realize the need for one today and suck it up and act like adults. I realize to others, it's not as easy but for me, I think maybe because the pill's been a part of my life for so long, I've never taken issue with birth control options being anyone's responsibility but my own. Although I love my family dearly and have no doubt they love me, to a certain extent, I've always believed that I'm the only one who's gonna take care of me. So I'm going to make sure I do.

3. He's Rough, She's Dainty:
"You really don't need to look much further than the nonsense directed at our children to see a ton of double standards at play."
Looking back on my childhood, I can see a lot more instances of where this manly man vs. girlie girl idea applied. I've always hated skirts and dresses, I've always sworn like a sailor, I hate shoes, I wear nothing but foundation on my face, and I belch...I've never been "feminine," according to society's definition. I don't think my parents drilled it into my brother, "be a man!" and into me, "be a girl!" but his room was always blue, mine always pink. I did play with Barbies and he did play with Matchbox cars, he did go out riding his bike while I sat out back at the picnic table playing with dolls. I guess I've never felt like my parents necessarily pushed gender roles onto us because I didn't grow up to be the "girlie girl" that we're often told we need to be. And although my mom still occasionally will throw in, "but you'd look so cute if you just wore a skirt now and then," I've never felt like I needed to be...girl-specific in order to be accepted.

4. He's a Hero, She's a Damsel
"...I've never, ever wanted a guy to put me on a pedestal."
I relate to this one a ton. I've always been Daddy's Little Girl. And although my brother and I have both grown closer to both parents, my mom always favored my brother and my dad always favored me. As an adult woman, I think it's inevitable to look at your relationship with men in the context of your relationship with your father and although I notice things that may be less than desirable, I notice much more that is. Although I've been a Daddy's Girl my whole life, I don't feel like he ever thought I was a little princess who could do no wrong. His general parenting philosophy with us was "I'll give you just enough rope to hang yourself." He knew we'd fuck up but he also knew that he'd given us the best resources and taught us the best he could so that we wouldn't fuck up. Did we fuck up? Of course we did. But I don't ever feel that my father was over-protective or tried to keep me from the world because I was a fragile, young girl. He's always known that eventually, his baby girl was going to go out into the world and he wasn't going to be able to control what happens to her. And I think he always knew that the best thing he could do for me was make sure I know what I need to know to take care of myself and make sure I know that I'm capable of taking care of myself. And for as long as I can remember, I've known that.

I also think that because of their relationship, I've never been pushed to have someone else take care of me. My mom has always worked, my dad has always helped out around the house. Growing up, I never felt like I was the girl who was supposed to go off and get married so that someone could step into my dad's role and take care of me. Because although he's done everything in the world for me, and still tries to, I don't ever remember feeling like my dad did that because I was incapable. I've always known that he does it because he loves me.

I believe that both of my parents taught me to be a good person because it's the right thing to be. I hold the doors open for people behind me, not because I hope to get something in return or I think they need more help than I do, but because it's polite. Just today, a male co-worker and I went out to grab everyone's lunch and rode the elevator with a bunch of men, who all somewhat stepped aside so that I could step off the elevator first. Completely unnecessary and made me giggle and mention it to my co-worker but I do understand that some people simply see it as a matter of common courtesy; as do I. As far as I'm concerned, chivalry is really just another way of saying, "I'm gonna do something because you're too weak to do it yourself" or "I'm gonna do something nice so that you'll fuck me." I was never raised to put much stock in chivalry and I never plan to. If you'd like to hold my door open or let me step off the elevator first, then I'll smile and say thank you and hope that you're doing it because you're a nice person. If you're doing it because you feel like you need to or you want something in return, kindly piss off.

Okay, "He's Metrosexual, She's Anorexic" will have to wait for the next post.