I'll admit it

I dislike Oprah. I dislike her a ton. If I wasn't trying to steer clear of truly hating anyone or anything, I would entertain the possibility of saying, "I hate Oprah." Yes, I realize all the good she's done in the world money she's thrown at the world, but I always have and always will stand by my belief that she's a horribly wretched interviewer, a narcissistic jerk of a woman, and I can't wait 'til she gets the hell out of my city.

So, I shall steal some internet hilarity and join in the mocking ...

That is all.

creative writing prompt

Write about a moment when you and another person (sibling, friend, parent, etc.) bonded.

My brother and I have never been terribly close. Once we got past the stage where we flung, "you're a jerk!" insults at each other every five minutes, we seemed to basically ... exist just fine together in the same house but we weren't particularly friends. I think we're both pretty different people than we were when we were younger (thankfully) and even though neither of us are chit-chatty phone call-y types and we don't talk all that often, we *are* closer than we ever were as kids. He sent me an email the other day that said, "Cool bookmark. Thought an avid reader might appreciate it" with the following picture attached, which reminded me why I believe so strongly in the, "actions speak louder than words" mentality. I don't need a phone call every other day or a constant reminder that someone cares about me. I just need an occasional one that tells me you really know the kind of person I am.

One who would just about give her tits to have this bookmark!

One of my favourite childhood memories definitely falls under the 'bonding between siblings' category. My parents have a ranch-style house so the three bedrooms are in the same hallway and the only thing separating what was my brother's room from what was my bedroom is the bathroom. When we went to bed at night and left our doors open, we could talk to each other until the parentals told us to shut the hell up and go to sleep (but in a loving, apropriately parent-y kind of way, of course). So, until that time came, we talked. And we played Scrabble. Scrabble is a fairly visual kind of game and when I try and think back to how we would have made that work with just talking, I have absolutely no idea how we did it. The only thing I really remember was saying things like, "I'll take a B, Chuck" (because when he wasn't making Love Connections, Chuck Woolery was hosting a bazillion other game shows, such as Scrabble).

I don't remember what words we ever played or how exactly we played or who ever won. But I do remember not hating having to go to bed at the end of the day because I had a brother two doors away who, for the most part, was the last person I talked to before falling asleep every night.

Ah, the old days.

if the apocalypse comes, beep me

So, Judgment Day is coming in a few days, huh? From what I've heard, we'll have about five months after that before the world ends fer realz. And after having just read this post over at Feministe, I got to thinking about the self-indulgent things I would really, really, really, I mean really want to do if I knew the world was going to come crashing down around me, making the consequences of those actions quite minimal. I think I'll have plenty of time to fit them in and cross them off as I skip my way down the Path to the Apocalypse.

1. Ecstasy and heroin. Yes, I know and yes, really. You know how the uber anti-drug types are all hung up on the belief that simply talking about doing drugs is a way of glamorizing them? To a certain extent, I kind of agree. I've heard in detail what those highs are like and they totally make me wanna try it but there ain't no way. Well, that's a lie. I would do X tomorrow if opportunity knocked on my rave cave and said, "hey, let's have a happy, dancey, touchy good time." But if any of my family members are reading, relax ... the heroin is, without doubt, safely stashed behind Indulge Only In Case Of Apocalypse glass.

2. Fuck eight ways to Sunday. Whomever I want, as often as I want, however I want, with an absolute disregard for anything but the pleasure (and enthusiastic consent, of course) of whatever parties may be involved.

3. Rob a bank. It's the only way I'll be able to ...

4. Go to France and frolic the fuck out of the entire country.

5. Smoke as many cigarettes as I want without even the slightest bit of guilt or regret.

6. Quit my job after making my way around the office, telling each and every pretentious prick just what pretentious pricks they are.

7. Bungee jump.

8. Steal a CTA bus and drive it as fast as I possibly can on Michigan Avenue.

9. Smoke a whole punch of pot, put this song on repeat, and have hours of stoned sex.

10. Karaoke. Scandal's "Goodbye To You." And I will rock that bitch Kate & Allie-style.

So, to sum up ... if the apocalypse comes, please do beep me. Just be sure to give me plenty of time to take care of these things before hopping on a plane back to New York to shuffle off this mortal coil with my family, mmmkay? Thanks!